Hope is the thing with feathers
by Picklesand
Summary: This a former one shot about the events surrounding Maura's birth, but it's set in present day. Maura learns more about the truth of what really happened while gaining a better understanding of her biological mother. I added a conversation with Cailin.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone, here is a one-shot about the events before and after Maura's birth but explained in present time. I've always had a lot of questions regarding what exactly happened. Here is one possible explanation. I hope you enjoy**

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Maura entered Massachusetts Correctional Facility. She didn't really know why she agreed to even come. Her father had requested she visit, the message was relayed to her via her grandfather and for some reason she couldn't say "no" to the old man, especially because she knew how much pride swallowing it took for him to ask her for this favor. She signed in and checked her medical bag because some of her tools qualified as weapons. She walked through the medical detector and made her way to the visitation area. When she saw her father, she sat opposite him through bullet and sound proof glass. After glaring at him for a few seconds she picked up the phone.

"Hello Maura."

"Paddy," she responded coldly.

"I'm glad you're here."

"I'm not even sure why I decided to come."

"Well, I'm glad you made that decision."

"Your father asked me to come see you as a favor to him."

"I'm surprised that worked. You're mother... Hope came to see me. She said that after you accepted her forgiveness she wanted to forgive me."

"Well if you asked me here for my forgiveness, I'm not giving it to you, it's something you could never earn."

"That's not why I asked you here."

"Well then why did you ask me here?"

"Your mother is a complicated woman Maura, you only know her now, and I want to give you an opportunity to know who she was. I want you to know more of the truth so that you can approach this with more insight and understanding." He signaled to a guard behind her. The man approached Maura and handed her a leather bound book. Paddy continued. "This is your mother's journal, she started keeping it the day she found out she was pregnant with you."

Maura took the journal and gripped it tightly in her hands. She stared at it both with curiosity and anxiety, what if this journal confirmed her greatest fear that she was never wanted, after all it held the thoughts and feelings of a scared eighteen year old girl.

Paddy must have read his daughter's expression. "Don't worry, Maura, this is something I want you to see, I think you'll be surprised."

Maura took a deep breath and looked at her father. "Thank you."

"There is also a letter in there from me Maura, I had to write it because, I can't actually say the words. Don't read it until after you have finished the journal. I have to go, I love you."

"Are... Are you okay in here?"

"Don't worry about me, you and I both know I have no trouble getting by." With those departing words, Paddy left.

Maura quickly exited the prison almost forgetting to claim her bag at the check in, as her mind was focused on the contents of the leather bound book.

/

Maura sat in her car with the journal that her biological father had given her. She opened up to the first page.

_To my firstborn, you made me brave and you made me strong, I love you more than you could ever know._

Then she read the first entry

_January 10th 1976_

_Today I found out that I was pregnant with you. I suspected for the last few weeks but today, I know for sure. You are eight weeks and the size of a raspberry, my little precious raspberry. I'm excited but I'm nervous about telling your father and your grandparents. But no matter what happens you will always have me. I love you so much already._

Maura teared up a little bit. She never knew how Hope had felt about the pregnancy. She was too afraid to ask. Most of the assumptions of those who were around at the time indicated that Hope was more fearful and regretful, rather than happy and excited. Reading these words, Hope's words, changed her perspective regarding her biological mother.

Maura read on and also discovered that the first time that Hope felt her kick was when she was swimming in the ocean. She also found out that Hope craved grilled cheese, tomato soup, and peanut butter ice cream. What surprised Maura the most was that no matter the opinions of those around her, her parents, her friends, her teachers, even Paddy, Hope's feelings about her never changed and she always ended every entry with "I love you more than you could even imagine."

Soon Maura made her way to the last entry

_August 7th 1976_

_I am writing this at the hospital as your father and I are waiting for you to come. I am so excited to be finally meeting you, although I feel like I know you so well already. Even though I can't wait to hold you in my arms, I know I will miss carrying you around inside me where ever I go. I will try my best to be a good mom, teach you everything I know. Your dad thinks you'll be a boy, but I think you're going to be a girl, no matter what, we both love you very much. So hurry up and get here already!_

_Love,_

_Mommy_

Maura closed the journal and clutched it close to her heart. Then she remembered that Paddy had also written her a letter. She opened up the journal and in between the last page and back cover, was a sealed letter with her name written on it in Paddy's handwriting, she opened it.

_Dear Maura,_

_If you are reading this then you have finished reading your mothers journal. This letter is an explanation of what happened next._

_Immediately after you were born, your mother insisted on holding you. I want you to know that it was the happiest I had ever seen her in my life. She spent the entire time looking into your eyes repeating "I love you my dear, little Maura." Shortly after the doctors took you to get checked out, your mother began to hemorrhage and was taken into surgery. By the time she woke up two days later, I had already given you to Constance. That's when I told her you had died and I had your body cremated. I know what I did was cruel but I did it to save the both of you from me. Looking into your mother's eyes when I told her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do._

_Patrick_

The letter answered many of the questions that Maura had in her mind when she met her biological mother, namely why she never bothered for proof of her death. In this moment she had felt bad for Hope, and was even more furious with Paddy. She closed the journal and placed it carefully on the seat next to her. Then she started her car and drove to speak with it's author.

Maura entered the South Boston office of MEND with her biological mother's journal clutched in her hands. She patiently sat in an empty waiting room as the office was about to close soon. After a few moments she saw a woman emerge from the back offices followed by Hope who caught Maura in the corner of her eye. When the other woman left Hope approached her daughter.

"Maura, what a pleasant surprise," then she saw the journal and her eyes widened. "Is that..." She stopped herself and nervously smiled, "it couldn't be."

"Couldn't be what," Maura asked.

"Nothing, forget I mentioned it. Are you hungry, we should-"

"Couldn't be your journal from when you were pregnant with me?"

Hope sat down next to Maura, she was in shock that the thing still existed.

"Paddy gave it to me," she handed the tattered leather bound journal to Hope.

Hope lightly traced the patterned ridges of the leather and stared at it.

"Did you read it," Hope asked without looking at Maura.

"I couldn't put it down," Maura replied through choked back tears.

"I told him to burn it, you know, after he told me you had died. Do you know how it happened?"

"He wrote a letter telling me. He said that you insisted upon holding me the second I came out, how happy you looked. He told me that just moments after the doctors took me to get checked that you began to hemorrhage and that they took you into surgery. You didn't wake up until two days later. He said, the hardest thing he ever had to do was look you in the eyes when you woke up asking for me."

"When he... When he told me I slapped him. I told him he was cruel for letting the doctors save my life while yours slipped away," Hope, now crying finally looked at Maura. "I'm really sorry, I should have asked for proof, but I was so... I just should have know better."

"What he did wasn't fair to you or to me. It's not your fault."

"That might not be my fault, but the way I reacted when I found out you existed was. I was mad at him, and I still am, and I should not have taken that out on you. I was upset that someone else got to raise you, that I never got the chance to watch you grow. You turned into this wonderful person and I had absolutely nothing to do with it and that hurts. But that's my problem, something I must get over. I'm grateful that you are giving me that chance."

Maura just listened to Hope, getting a better understanding of her with each revelation. Hope was indeed a complicated woman but who wouldn't be after what she had been through.

Hope handed the journal back to Maura, "I meant every word in it, and I still do. Now I still have some paper work to attend to before I can leave for the day, are we still on for dinner on Thursday?"

The honey blonde nodded as she got up to leave. "Hope, one more thing."

The older woman turned around, and Maura threw her arms around her, and squeezed tightly. Hope put her arms around Maura too, just as happy as she was the first day she held her in her arms.

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**Reviews are welcome, be well and have a splendid day :)**

***correction* changed the year on the first entry to 1976... My bad**


	2. Chapter 2

**This was originally just a one shot, but then I wrote this. I hope you like it. It's kinda short. It features Maura and Cailin.**

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Maura knocked on the door of the Martin residence for her Thursday dinner date with her biological mother and half sister. The latter greeted her.

"Hey Maura, come in, mom's... uh, Hope is running late. She told me to tell you she's sorry."

"Cailin, how are you," Maura asked as she entered.

"Tired, school is a real pain in the ass," she replied as she shoved her books into her school bag.

Maura helped Cailin by handing her some books. She smiled, "I remember those days."

"Thanks, I'll be happy when the semester is over," Cailin replied as she smiled back at her sister. "What about you, how are you?"

"I'm okay, it's a little hectic at work right now."

"Tough case?"

"Tough interpersonal situations"

"Wanna talk about it," Cailin asked awkwardly, playing with the long sleeves of her shirt with her thumbs and forefingers. Maura made her nervous and intimidated, not in a bad way, but the kind of way someone would be around someone they admired. Cailin wanted to connect with her sister in the way that sisters do, but she was never really sure how to go about it. She looked up to Maura, wanted to confide in her, and in turn wanted Maura to confide in her too.

Maura shook her head "no." "Not tonight, I just want it to be about the three of us."

"Um, okay." Cailin felt the sincerity in her half sisters response although her feelings were hurt slightly.

Maura walked around the living room, not surprised to find out that she and Hope had similar taste in decor, except for pictures. Hope seemed to have them everywhere, most featuring Cailin. One particular photo stood out, it was one of Cailin who Maura would have estimated at eight years old curled up asleep next to a long haired grey cat. "She looks so cute, I wonder what she was like then," Maura thought to herself.

Cailin must have noticed Maura, she walked over until she was beside her half sister. She sighed heavily, "That was Daisy, my Maine Coon. She was hit by a car on my ninth birthday. It was my fault that she got out."

Maura gave her sister a sympathetic look and put her hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I..."

Cailin interrupted. "It's okay, I wanted to be a veterinarian until that happened, then I realized I couldn't handle it. I don't think I left my room for a month."

Cailin's phone started making noises. She then walked into the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to answer that," Maura asked as she followed her.

"Oh, no, it's just my reminder to take my meds," she said as she turned off the alarm.

"Your immunosuppressants," Maura stated as more of a fact than a question.

Cailin nodded as she took the pills with a glass of water.

"Have you been experiencing any hypertension, dyslipidemia, hyperglycemia, peptic ulcers, lipodystrophy, bruises around your kidney and liver area? Is your ability to fight infections reduced?"

Cailin laughed to herself slightly. "No."

"I don't see the humor in my concern for your well being," Maura replied defensively.

"It's not that, and thank you, really. It's just that, you sound like her is all. Speaking of..." Cailin pointed at her phone. " 3...2...1.." It rang. She answered. "Yes mom, I remembered. Maura is already here. Okay I'll let her know." She hung up. "She'll be home in fifteen. You want something to drink?"

"I'm okay for now. So... I really sound like her."

"Are you kidding me? How do you not see it? You two are so alike. It's kind of freaky."

"You really think so," Maura replied somewhat flattered. She craved this biological connection, a sense that she did in fact come from somewhere.

"Oh my God, yes," Cailin exclaimed nodding her head vigorously. "Come with me," she lead Maura down a corridor until they stopped in front of picture of Hope petting an elephant. "I think you look especially like her here. The first time I met you my mind went immediately to this picture."

Maura couldn't deny that the resemblance was uncanny. "How old is she here?"

Cailin squinted slightly and cocked her head to the side. "Thirty-six, I think. She said she found out she was pregnant with me only a few weeks after the picture was taken."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, my dad took the picture... She's really happy that you forgave her, Maura. I'm not just saying this because she is my mom but, she really is a good person. She's made a lot of mistakes but her heart's in the right place. I feel bad for her though, every time she tries to right her wrongs, more wrongs take it's place, because of him. I know he's your dad, but I don't like what he does to her, because she loves him."

Maura was speechless she had no idea Cailin knew so much. Cailin was worried she misspoke.

"I'm sorry if any of that was out of line, I just wanted you to know that, he always lies to her and she is usually unaware of his wrongdoings until way after the fact."

Maura understood this, but was desperate to change the subject wanting to put this behind Hope and her once and for all. "Now that everything is out in the open, I just want us to have a fresh start."

"That's all she wants too."

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**I would like to continue with the three of them at dinner, but fair warning, I'm not sure if I will... but I'd really like to. My plate is kinda full right now.**

**Reviews are always welcome.**

**Be well and have a splendid day :)**


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